20 Tips To Save Money In The Home (Must read)!

28 February 2009

OK OK so there has been a mad increase all over the web in “money saving” and budgeting type stories, whether it be on blogs, in the news, anywhere and everywhere really. Here are some new and novel ideas about how to be thriftier in these times of world economic crisis. Digg it if you like it!

  1. Steal Ikea’s pencils. Take some of those cute free pencils from Ikea every time you visit. Store them all up, build a rudimentary log cabin and sell your house. Profit.
  2. Make soup out of old clothes. Instead of throwing out old clothing, or donating it to thrift stores, just make some apparel soup. Brogues broth is a favourite of mine, as is Coat-a-leekie.
  3. Save on heating costs. Turn off the heating in all your rooms in the house, except for the bathroom. Live only in the bathroom. You can sleep in the bath, can’t you? You’ve got waste facilities, fresh running water, what more could you need!?
  4. Save your change. Save up all your loose change into a big jar or bottle. You’d be surprised at how much it will all add up to. Then take that jar to the casino, cash it all in for roulette chips, and bet it all on the number 9. NUMBER 9. I assure you, you’ll win big.
  5. Don’t use toilet paper. You’ll save a fortune. You could keep a cage of cats by your toilet, and wipe with them. Cats lick themselves clean, eh?
  6. Make love standing up. Keep your feet in the exact same spot every time. Less wear and tear on your bed means you won’t have to replace the mattress as often.
  7. Push your car to work. You’ll save on gas, plus get a really good work out at the same time.
  8. Teach your family sign language. With less wear and tear on the vocal chords, this will lead to smaller medical bills later in life.
  9. Re-use empty cereal boxes. You can make a million things with old cereal boxes. From stackable storage units, to bio-degradable pet coffins… the list is almost endless.
  10. Train mice. Mice are pretty smart. Train teams of them to do basic household tasks such as washing the windows and vacuuming. That way you can get rid of the expensive Swedish maid. REMEMBER – mice are cheaper than maids.
  11. Throw away your television. It’s such a drain on the electric. Instead, play charades with your family every evening, and “Jaws” must be acted out at least once per session.
  12. Sell your parking space. If you live in the city, you can rent your valuable car parking space to someone in need. Perhaps a small family of ex-Wall street stock market gurus could live on it.
  13. Don’t buy anything... It’s really the best money-saving tip I can give you. Don’t buy ANYTHING. Not even food. You’ll be surprised at how fast you drop those excess pounds!
  14. ...except a goat. I know I previously recommended that you shouldn’t buy anything. The goat is the exception to this rule. Buy yourself a lovely goat, and she’ll provide you with all the milk you can drink, as well as being a super-cool trash disposal unit. She even eats cereal boxes.
  15. Sell your family. I’m not talking anything illegal here, but if you have kids you can easily rent out their services and make yourself a tidy profit. Your kids can mow lawns, wash cars, or even babysit the angels next door. Your wife can sell her services for a tidy sum (I’m still talking babysitting) or your hubby can sell his body parts. OK wait, that last one’s illegal.
  16. Learn to levitate. Another great tip which saves on wear and tear on carpets. It’s really not as difficult as you might think.
  17. Start a Cult. This can’t be very expensive to get up and running, can it? And you’ll be well taken care of in your later years. Plus, that goat you bought might also come in handy in those interesting ceremonies.
  18. Grow your fingernails. Grow them really really long. Sharpen them to razor like sharpness. Use them to create an unusual home barbershop, where people will pay well for the novelty of a “fingernail shave.”
  19. Store your farts. In small glass jars. Label them with various incomprehensible phrases, such as “Blue smiles” or “Left at the Inky Jumper.” Sell them on Ebay for a handsome sum. People will buy anything.
  20. Subscribe to the Bargainmoose.ca RSS feed or email updates. You’ll save loads. Seriously.

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